Newcastle 1 : 1 Mackems

Smashing Sunderland 5-1 is like climaxing and having your feet rubbed at the same time for a Geordie.
That's what The Toon Army experienced last October at St James Park.
Last night's rematch at Mackem Town was the football equivalent of a cockblock - thinking you're in with a girl til her friend ruins it by insisting she come home with her when the lights come on at the pub.
The Tyne-Wear Derby means so much to both sets of supporters: neither is likely to see their side win a trophy, while qualifying for Europe is an outside chance at best.
Therefore, beating the archrivals from nearby is a must for both clubs and losing is as painful as losing a cup final ... Or to Stevenhage.
After a scoreless first half in which both sides wasted their fair share of chances, Magpies hero Kevin Nolan put the good guys in front.
A magpie - a real-life, beaked, feathered specimen - jumped onto the pitch not long after. Hope it took a shit on Scumderland's field - then it really would be known as the Stadium of Shite.
Newcastle then missed a couple of chances - leading scorer Andy Carroll was out injured - but frankly we smashed 'em, just smashed 'em.
The red-and-white filth barely looked like scoring after halftime while the Mighty Toon deserved more than the lone goal.
Then, like typical thieves, Sunderland scored during five minutes of stoppage time to ass a draw.
Its the same as the hottie you were working on at the pub disappearing 90 seconds before closing time because her friend has twigged that she is maggot.
All those dreams, all those chances at an evening of ecstasy gone in a puff of smoke, leaving you to get a dodgy kebab and have a lonely cab ride home.
One point after conceding late is the dodgy kebab - you still get something out of it, but its likely to make you feel sick.
Playing them off the park is the cab ride - you go over all the points where you did well, but can't help wonder about the one vital, late moment where it all went wrong.